Illustration by Yuumei
https://www.yuumeiart.com/
Expected results guide our decisions every hour of the day, every minute
actually. Yet, at the same time, we are victims of nature and everybody else’s
decisions. This rids us of the ultimate control that we seek and in turn breeds
frustration and fear.
Frustration in that no matter how 'in control' we think we are, we
always end up lacking; lacking in our goals, in our planning, in our day to day
life. This is because majority of circumstances that should lead to our success
aren't up to us. While there might be few moments that favour us, most of the
time we fail to have a favourable setting. Human nature makes us doubt
ourselves after enough of such. Enough? Yes, because every person is different
and has a different breaking point. After 'enough' of such failures one starts
to doubt one's self... This doubt is a nesting place for fear.
And why do we fear.
Everyone alive has an ultimate end, death. An end that no one can
control nor predict. This doesn't stop one from trying but after all efforts,
ultimately one realizes that it's beyond them. This makes one obsess over
things they 'can' control. That healthy diet, schedules, choice of friends...
The small things that give one a sense of control, but in truth even this
aren't under our control. A schedule, for example, is subject to traffic,
colleagues' decisions and among other things the unlikely flawless flow of
plans. That healthy diet is subject to finances, the environmental availability
of chosen foods and even health.
Therefore, in reality, there is no freewill as a primary notion and
idea. Freewill all comes after determinism has run its cause. Before we know
ourselves we are already influenced. Before we can make a decision, we are
already influenced. This makes our past basically predetermines our
present. Our decisions are made in the present therefore subjective to our
past. The fact that at that every moment we are free to choose our way forward
is the point at which we directly experience freewill. That and the fleeting
chance that we can decide just how much of our past we are willing to let
affect us. That too can be in our control.
That realization that we are not fully in control breeds fear, an almost
creeping fear that takes will power to overcome.
Wilma Masibo
