Wednesday, March 22, 2017

I Read Today





I wore my blue, grey and white socks then took a moment away from simply existing to take on the words of another. I found perfection between the pages of an old book... I found the smell of it satisfying. Craftily guiding my thought, slipping me into a world like no other.
I wore a smile on my face yet a tear flew down my cheek. I could say it was the book... Maybe... But lately I have been feeling a little more emotional that usual.
I learnt a new word today. A word I knew but never thought about long enough to make sense of it. The word came at me boldly; marking its presence like a tattoo on my self. I am changed. For beyond this moment... Beyond this realization is a being grafted by the another.
I felt a pain today. It was swift, to the side of my right temple. To the side where I swear some thing vital lies. I drowned it in a 330ML 5.5% ALC/VOL tonic and took a brief nap that led me back to what I escaped when I accepted the slumber.
I took a walk to the unknown... Felt myself giving in to the arms of another, felt the purest of love I have ever. Felt the lose of a bond only to find more beyond the corner.
I woke to shuffling pages, the wind working the pages of my book. Just for fun, I read a word and found the word I learned today... Again. I am reminded of words I said once. Today, I learned the true meaning of the world PROMISE.
Nekh.

Thursday, March 16, 2017

Questions and Answers

Did you do it?
No. No I didn't because I am a coward. I am scared of everything black, white and grey. I am scared of the in-between. I am scared to cross the ether, I can't walk a straight without help because I can barely do anything on my own. No. I didn't do it and am sorry I failed you.
Standing up for myself was the plan all along. Whenever I felt scared I was suppose to evoke my powerful God... Remember the strength of my father when he was younger, stronger. Use that to fight. I faced this just like every other challenge in my life; with a shaky gait, sweat dripping off my brow and my heart beating wildly in my chest. I could not do it.
Did you go?
No. Would you believe me when I tell you that it wasn't my fault. I wanted to go, so bad. I wore my best dress, wore my best shoes, applied a shade of lipstick in the brightest of pink... I even did my brows, and that ain't easy! Its a matter of geometry... And I was never good at math. Am sorry. I didn't go, time moved so fast before I knew it a minute turned to an hour which turned to a day and I couldn't leave because it was too dark and cold outside.
I know I said I would go, face this head on, as all the greats do but let's face it. Look at me! I don't think I look the part, or have it in me to actual go. Let them go, those that look right for the role. I can't. I'm sorry.
Did you say it?
Uh... No. Well at first I was a little tongue tied. Then I could move tongue, which was not caught by a cat *laugh*. When I could speak I fell into a rumble that lasted forever and before I knew it I was talking about a toy bunny I had when I was six because the logic was literally extracted from my self! Out of me, gone! But... Am practicing, Maybe next time, for real. I promise.
I know you don't believe me but, I swear by my great grandmother's porcelain vase, I will say it! Next time. When the time is right, when my breath isn't so stale, when my voice isn't so raw. When my vocabulary and tone is practiced. I will say it. #IPromise.
Did you think about it?
Actually... What was it.... Uh... Oh! I remember. Well, I didn't. I got carried away trying to place the question in the same realm of possibilities as the intricacies of proper thought generation, speech, art of listening and not merely hearing; oh, contemplation, and execution; the generation of a proper reply. Just the thought of the prospects of finding the solution to such a conundrum blows my mind. Am a classic over thinker. [Ya think?!] It takes me a little more that normal to think of answers to basic questions. I'll give it some thought... A little later though, all that thinking has me a little riled like a newborn on steroids! 
Did you hear it?
Well... That I did. But I didn't believe it. Does this mean it's right to say that the technical term for things that fall apart while still within the graces of bounty is a term needlessly coined by a non-English speaker... If so then damn, I've got to say... That's genius! This race is going places. [Did that just happen?!]
Friends, lesson of the day; do not be this person. You want to live in the present, aware of your life and the direction it takes. Stand firm in your space for you have a right to it. Speak out when you need to and do not be scared. You have to know that within you there is strength to fight every battle that comes your way. Try to center your mind, you do not want to spend your life running circles about useless banter. Think before you disbelieve on the basis of naivety. Read a book, learn something and surround yourself with people smarter than you. Ignorance is not bliss, its stupidity.
Live and love.
Nekh