Jay-Walkers Guide to Nairobi.

Just so we are clear, Every1 in Nairobi Jay-Walks! For those who do not know what Jay-walking is...

'...refers to illegal or reckless pedestrian crossing of a roadway.' Wikipedia.

so you see we all do it, in a day i think i j walk about 50 times or so, I wonder with the new lights being installed all over Nairobi, will they ticket jay-walkers too? just in case they do not say that they will ticket us... (cause we all know that you follow a law to a point, you should really, but unless there is a negative repurcation to not following the law, then , we rarely follow the law, True?... be honest.)

So here is your guide to Nairobi city;

• Do not cross in front of a Citi Hopper bus, KBS bus, Unified Poa bus, Metro Trans bus, or any PSV (Public Service Vehicle)... even if there is a zebra-crossing, especially if there is no light telling you to go, they will hit you, i swear! They have this law, 'mwenye nguvu mpishe.' - Let the strong pass. So puny you against 17tonnes (approximate) is not so bright.
• Do not cross main highways, IE Thika road... unless you are using the overpass (Genius!) Be bright, give your self  a fighting chance, come on, do some physics, MASS*VELOCITY= A LOT OF HURT! If you are going to jaywalk, pick your roads carefully, Little one way roads will work you wonders in perfecting your jaywalking. Just saying. 
• Wear bright colours. Neon pink, green and yellow are awesome! What you want is to illuminate. You know why, the brighter you dress, the higher your fighting chance. Dark colours means that that tired, overworked driver will not see your goth-like self walking the road, and that means... you know what...
• Look right then left then right again before crossing the road. I know you remember something like that you were taught in kindergarten, yes you do... you just ignore it, In Nairobi, the cars may be driven on the wrong lane, going in the wrong direction, you feel me, so be sure to Look right then left then right again, and it does not hurt to confirm again, and again that there is no vehicle coming your way.
• Pay attention to what you are doing, is crossing the road!, you can listen to your music later or call that person latter, trust me when i say that you always have time, how long will it take you to cross a road really, so put your gadget away and cross relatively safely. 

But all in all, follow the rules, cross at a Zebra crossing, walk on the right side of the  road. Stay safe. As cliche as this may sound, You Only Live Once.

Nekh.

Different View of the World. Kenya's Unsung Heroes.

Since getting ma new glasses, am seeing the world in a whole new light! Really...

So today I want to appreciate the unsung heroes...

• Yule mama wa mboga. In every hood in urban Kenya, there is the lady or man who wakes up at three o'cloak t o go to the market and buy greens so that they can sell it to lazy you and me, these people work so hard just to make sure that at the end of the day you have a plate of greens on you table.
• That canjo worker. I know we do not appreciate these city council workers, if we did we would not be throwing away sweet wrappers all over thinking that they disolve into the air or something... do you know how much a city council worker in Kenya gets paid... and their working hours... FIND OUT!
• Mboch wenu. I can not sayenough about how much people  misstreat their house keepers, I have heard of house girls who even wash underwear for the woman of the house, really, have we become so inhuman to the point where common decency is unheard of?! Appreciate your house keeper, give them offs, gifts, incentives... you know the deal, do not ignore 'the deal'.
• Kale ka watchie. This goes to those who drive, we all know that watchman who sits at the corner street and watches your car when you go around in the city spending money, and then after you get back, you give him 'ka-mbao' (twenty shillings), comeon! Really, if that ka watchie was not there someone would have jacked your side mirror, see how much that is worth... twenty bob?
• Makanga wenu. The work of a tout is quite difficult, I can't imagine yelling the whole day. They help us board the bus if you have heavy load, they make us laugh with their wit, they smile at you.... talk about harsh working conditions, they stand all day, snack for lunch and start early and end their day pretty late, not to mention no off days! kubali, that jobo is hard. They deserve some 'hongera!'.
• Walimu. Teachers are really something special. Imagine how difficult you were as a kid, and then omeone took their time to mold you, naughty, rude, ungrateful you into a successful responsible adult... correction the stuck-up-son-of-a-gun you are right now.Go back and drop some pizza or what not, say thank you.
• Nurses. What can I say, we all know how whack a job they do, clean shit up like they love it, Aki, kwanza if you have ever been in hospital... you know....
• Garbage collecters. Mapipani.... no one belongs there! they collect your trash, sort it, burn or recycle, bow down, I can't do that. Imagine sorting through trash... someone else's trash. I appreciate you guys GCs. 

So people, moral of the story, be nice. Be good to each other, say thank you... TRY! be patient with others, and do the right thing at the right time, with the right tool, and to the right people... get it?

Stay safe.
Nekh.

Jus' saying.

Am all smiles today, i woke up all smiley and happy, though i got that good old headache... blame poverty and the cold conditions, i can say that its safe to say that today is a smashing day. If you meet me today and i can't help but laugh, don't read much into it, Furahi day is around the corner and i can not help but wonder what to do, what to do.... Mmmhhh.

Take a drive outta town... uh, i don't own a car...

Go out, am dead broke...

Watch a movie, that i can do... my plans this weekend include a bowl of home made popcorn, a jug of coke, and the TV... unless anyone can offer me more, am sticking to this plan.

Nekh.

Gor Terror!

Football in Kenya has become a phenomena that girls... or rather ladies in Kenya are just not interested in.... Let me put it this way, we are interested in the game, i ONCE  watched a football game that I have to admit I really, honestly did enjoy the game. This was when I was in high school and I think I even told myself that I would be watching football...

And then came the horror stories...

"When you go for a game they will rob you of all you have."

"Aki the guys at those games are ruthless, they will knock you down and I can assure you, chivalry is dead in Kenya, i swear!"

"Even before the game is over Gor fans go crazy and loot the place, si I was scared. And they won!"

After hearing all this, i was so scared to the point where I did not ever plan to go for any football game played in Kenya, EVER!

Pushed me away from football completely, to the point that i became a die hard fun of Rugby, and those shorts! Ayayaiii! So unless football fans step up and stop acting like uncouth brute, the LADIES of Kenya will stick to Rugby and other SAFE board games, I.e cheese, scrabble and so on...

Nekh.

A reason to love Africa... CULTURE.

I come bearing news, despite the face that every other day in the media you see people in Africa killing each other over little quarrels, men opting for 'beastiality' rather than the overload of beautiful voluminous African mamas running around all over this planet, here's a reason to pick Africa...

Not that I am speaking from a very patriotic (Kenyan citizen...) point of view. We have culture in the overload. Get me right, especially if you have been to Kenya and found your way to the Masaai market, or that beaches in Mombasa, you missed out, you should come back and ask me to show you the real Kenya. Culture by definition is the

'the quality in a person or society that arises from a concern for what is regarded as excellent in arts, letters, manners, scholarly pursuits, etc.' 

 

Que, when you found yourself in Kenya did you go to any rural village where you interacted with locals who have not been influenced by urbanization. When you come to Africa did you stay at The Intercontinental. or at The Sarova Stanley and then boarded a flight to Mombasa of Kisumu or whichever other destination only to spend countless hours inside a tent reading a novel or looking at the stars or worse taking photos of snakes. News, you should have stayed where you are from... what is the use of visiting a county only to spend all you time couped up within the norm. Live a little, love a little, and just so you know, not every African wants to steal from you or have your babies, just saying. There are over 42 tribes in Kenya, I.e,

 

'Kenya is home to a large number of ethnic groups, including the Kikuyu (the largest single group at around 22%), the Luo, and the Maasai. The population included three of the four major linguistic groups found in Africa: Bantu (approximately 67%), Nilotic (30%) and Cushitic (around 3%).' 

 

This is a gold mine of knowledge and culture, explore that. I can assure you that every tribe is unique and rich enough to quench a lot of your lack. News enough?!

 

Nekh.